Gone but not Forgotten

2011-lavendar-farm-kissAs it is with many who lose a loved one, none of us wants them to be forgotten.   It has now been  almost two years since Steve took his own life and with the exception of a few close friends,  I feel that people are weary of my stories and talking about Steve.  My heart is already broken that Steve is no longer with me and the shattered pieces are fragmenting a little more as time goes on as he becomes a distant memory to most.

Recently, someone  unexpectedly reached out to me.   I received a Christmas card in the mail from a former Team Total Training (Steve’s triathlon team) member.   The last year this man was on the team was 2007.  I was so touched by what he wrote in the card; “You and Steve are always in our hearts and minds – Thinking of you and Steve”.  This is from a man that I did not know very well and who last participated with the tri team almost ten years ago.  I was so touched by his thoughtfulness and kind words.

This man’s card gives me hope that there are many others who will never forget Steve.  However, the silence of so many can be deafening, and left to my own devices, I will ruminate and think that everyone has already put Steve out of their minds, especially considering the circumstances of Steve’s death.   In reality, these silent  friends may still be trying to come to grips with Steve’s loss and I may just be a sad reminder to them that Steve is no longer here.

Steve may be gone, but deep in my shattered heart, I know he will never be forgotten by those whose lives he so profoundly impacted. He was truly unforgettable.






2 thoughts on “Gone but not Forgotten

  1. I understand how your heart is broken in pieces that can never be put back together again. My son took his life on January 27 2016… the one year mark is upon us and I’m not sure I will survive it. He was a beautiful person that so many loved… I understand how you don’t want anyone to forget him. God bless you!


    • Kathy, I am so sorry about your son. My heart breaks for you as you approach the 1 year mark. You will get through it though it may be difficult. Anniversaries, holidays, birthdays all are so hard to deal with. As I said in one of my blogs, I believe the pain of loss will always be deep for suicide survivors, but the waves of grief will decrease in duration and frequency over time. Surround yourself with those that support and love you. Relish the wonderful memories you have of your son. Peace to you…


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